a day in the life (5)

The brown and white pony lay on its side next to the yellow-headed lego man. They cluttered the windowsill in a cheerful way, along with all the other treasures belonging to the four-year-old boy in the house.  

The four-year-old's little brother lay nearly forgotten in my arms. Back and forth, back and forth. I rocked him on my knee. He screamed on profusely, not consoled by, or aware of his momma. And I was hardly aware of him. We'd been at this all week. Me consoling, him screaming, and both of us getting nowhere.

How long can this go on, Lord?

There had been many trembling episodes the past few days and nights. I'd hold him tight, sing and pray, but his little body would tremble on, oblivious.. Many times I sighed, "Father, take him. I can't see him suffering so any longer. " And all the while, not really wanting that prayer answered. It's a strange place to be, scared for your child to live and scared for your child to die.

The blond-tousled four year old boy bounded into the room. Unaware of the sighs in his momma's heart or the battle his little brother was in. He smooshed himself on top of my knee and crouched over his little brother's body. Their noses touched and they looked "eye to eye" (even closer than the lego man and cowboy who were lying over there, on the windowsill). "Dum, dum, dum, dum," he sang cheefully. His singsong continued, "You are so cute, I love you" and they rocked back and forth on my knee. My two November boys.

The silence caught my attention. A lop-sided grin formed on the little brother's mouth. Big brother smiled, satisfied. "Calvin's giving me lots of kisses, mommy."  And with a carefree dum-dum-dum he sang his way out of the room, hopping all the way. A good little surprise he was for both of us.

My knee continued to rock. Back and forth, back and forth. We swayed in silence now. The setting sun filled our window and treated our eyes while ours ears listened to the noisy clattering and chatting from the dinner table below.

I stood up, ready to join the rest of the family. It was then I noticed the berries. There on the tree right outside the four-year-old's window. I'd seen the view out of this window for years and had never seen the berries. The leaves were stripped away from the tree and it stood bare, showing it's little secret treasure to whomever peeked out the window. And today, it was me.

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.  -Psalms 27:14