Monday, March 15, 2010

Home Again, Take 2

I stepped off the airplane tonight into the warm air of Phnom Penh. It was so good to be together with my family again. It was wonderful to be in the arms of my man, to share this burden together, it's far too heavy alone. Evie looked shocked to see I had re-entered her life again. She couldn't stop waving at me and saying, "Hi, mommy!" with an expression that looked liked she expected me to go *poof* and disappear again. Sophie was very concerned about Calvin and Noah was anxious to hold him again.

When I walked in Sophie's room tonight to tuck her in I found the three (Sophie, Noah, Calvin) in complete contentment with each other's company. Sophie was laying on her back with Calvin laying on top of her, and he was just pleased as peaches. Noah was softly rubbing Calvin's head. It's good to be home.

It's been really tough the last few days. We went to Bangkok to get Calvin's skull checked out and ended up finding out some really difficult things. It appears that the bones are still opened a bit but the problem is that the brain is not growing well. The CT scan also shows brain atrophy, calcification, and lots of extra cerebral fluid. Calvin is also developing quite a bit of rigidity in his limbs. The doctors have not reached an official diagnosis at this time but we are expecting that he has cerebral palsy and possibly other difficulties.

Our hearts are broken for our son. We want to protect him and feel utterly powerless to do so. We want to take his suffering for him but cannot. We are scared to see him go through pain and suffering. It's hard. I never knew it would be so hard to see a child suffer. Breaks my heart in pieces. There's an overwhelming sadness in our hearts right now. We are praying for strength and grace to breathe the next breath, put one foot in front of the other, keep on living.

Would you pray for us and for Calvin? We need your prayers and support. Thank you, friend.

8 comments:

KKCambLogos said...

Kara, I love that in the midst of discouragement you are able to find pleasure in the small things, such as the wonderful relationship your children have with each other and their love for Calvin. Glad you are home safely, even if the news is challenging.

Trevor & Jill said...

You are in our prayers!

Christy said...

I am so sorry - this all sounds toally unbearable! I am praying for you all.

Sarah said...

Oh Kara, we're honored to continue to pray for your family.

Love in Christ,

Sarah

Danielle & Vandenn said...

Aw, sorry to hear the news. I know you were hoping for a better report. You, Calvin, and the rest of your family are in my thoughts.

Kate said...

Reading your post brought to mind the verse about rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep...we rejoice with you at the love your kids have for each other, and weep with you at the struggles you face with Calvin's health. We have been praying much for you guys, and will keep it up.

Brea said...

Kara, my friend Rhianna asked me to pray for your family, and I will do so. I'm sorry to hear that Calvin's tests didn't bring better news. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. I'm praying you will have the moment-by-moment grace you need to walk this road.

It made me smile to think of people on the other side of the world experiencing the Mills' hospitable home.

Kara said...

It really is a comfort to know that people care and continue to lift up Calvin. I know we aren't the only ones who face trials in life, it is hard to go through, but what a praise that God offers strength and comfort to us in Christ. Thankful we are in the care of our heavenly Father.