Sunday, February 21, 2010

Lifting My Eyes

Just when I think I've finally got a handle on things and that I've certainly prepared myself for our life with Calvin, I'm brought low to my knees again. The constant yo-yo of evaluation of and concern for Calvin starts to wear on us. Meeting the needs of all of our precious kids seems impossible.

We all deal with stress differently. Darryl is quiet and processes it within; for me it comes out in little unsuspecting way--irritation with kids who are just being kids, getting upset with Darryl about really silly petty things like a can of soda left on the know what I mean?

Today was one of those days. The turmoil inside kept resurfacing and left me short with all my dear family around me. Thankfully my husband is a very understanding man and realized it wasn't really about all the little irritations and gave me lots of grace.

In church we read Psalm 121 together as a congregation. The words were soothing water to my soul. I am stressed, overwhelmed, tired. But that's not the end of it.

Don't let your hands hang down in despair. Take heart! There is a refuge for us.

"I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber."

The reality of these words sinks in and comforts me.

"The LORD is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

My heart is quiet, filled with thanksgiving for such an awesome God. Thankful for His provision of a caring husband, my best friend, and for four children that are precious to us beyond words. Thankful for a Savior that gives us hope and help in all of our trials.

Today some concern was raised by a missionary doctor from the States who evaluated Calvin. It seems that Calvin's fontanels have joined together, i.e. he no longer has a soft spot, which does not leave room for the brain to grow. Calvin will undergo a CT scan to confirm the findings. If it is the case we will need to return to North America and Calvin will have to have major surgery.

We will press on in the Lord's strength, because He does indeed give it when we need it.

These verses by Samuel Rodigast articulate my heart right now....

Whate'er my God ordains is right: his holy will abideth;
I will be still whate'er he doth, and follow where he guideth.
He is my God; though dark my road, he holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to him I leave it all.

Whate'er my God ordains is right: he never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path; I know he will not leave me.
I take, content, what he hath sent; his hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait his day.

Whate'er my God ordains is right: though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart, I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate'er my God ordains is right: here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine, yet am I not forsaken.
My Father's care is round me there; he holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to him I leave it all.


Mom/DadZev said...

"Casting all your care upon Him for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Kate said...

I empathize with how your stress slips out in daily life; I am exactly the same. Thank the Lord for grace upon grace upon grace...we can never run Him dry, tho' some days surely seem to try! You and Darryl have shown a wonderful example as you trust Calvin in His hands. Renewed fervency in our prayers for the CT scan and much love to all.

KarenKTeachCamb said...

Thinking of you Kara! And of the rest of the family. I can relate so much to the little things that we react to which in reality are just a symptom of the bigger challenges we are facing. Know that He cares for you, and Calvin. Psalm 139.

Sarah said...

Kara, I can read the stress and tiredness in your words, but you are such an encouragement to me! We're praying for Calvin with regards to this latest concern. And for you all.