Friday, October 22, 2010

a day in the life (1)

We sat in the doctor's office (Calvin and I) yawning together, trying to recover from a short night. I was glad to be meeting with Dr. D again and hoping to get some suggestions/solutions for some of Calvin's challenges.

The door cracked open and ushered in Dr. D. "Where do you want to start?", she questioned. I fired questions and she responded ably with her gray spiky hair nodding and her kind green-shadowed eyes offering concern.. The conversation was peppered with words like slowed growth, reflux, medication x, medication y, muscle disorder, upper g.i. test, sensory disorder, sleep aid, side effects. And after all was said and done, quality of life.

She peered over her square black glasses and settled her eyes on me, "I can't change his state. My goal is to make him comfortable, to give you and him some quality of life." The name tag wobbling on her white coat declared "Dr. D., Neuro Dvlpmnt Spclst", giving added confirmation to her words.

Make him comfortable. I remembered those words from my days as a CNA with the elderly. It was code for Not Much Time Left. Not that there is an immediate threat to Calvin, but it's the absence of talk like progress, recovery, or hoping for more that makes my heart sink. It's settling with What Is and dealing with it.

The security lady smiled at me compassionately on the way out. I wondered how many moms she sees in a day like me--walking out the glass doors with a little one pressed up against tear-filled cheeks.


trmills said...

Thanks for sharing these moments as well as the 'jump for joy' moments- it really helps us to pray for you. Thanks for your email, too- I'll write back soon!

KarenKTeachCamb said...

Thanks for sharing this Kara. I'm so thankful you have a compassionate doctor to see with Calvin. I miss you all heaps, especially you, Darryl and Sophie. I think of you often and pray that you will continue to know God's strength each day. Praise Him that He never gives us more than we can handle, and that He gives us what we need to deal with each challenge, just as we need it. Love you all. Karen