Sunday, May 23, 2010

Remembering

To my son, Calvin Luke.

It wasn't long ago, you and I, we made a trip. You inside, warm and safe as we bounced along the country roads, Bangkok bound.  Past the rice paddies and charming painted houses, women washing yellow shirts on the line you and me, just passerbys.  Big brother Noah at my side, keeping me company for the ride.

I dreamed of you, my little boy.  Couldn't wait to dress you up in brother's clothes.  You'd be brother to three, filler of hearts.  I could only imagine how you would look, what would make you laugh and sing or even cry.  When you arrived you were more beautiful than we ever could have imagined.  That was six months ago from today.  And off we went together, you with your family, into this new season of life.


Today we saw another little boy.  Didn't we?  Soft, sweet eyes.  Born the same day as you.  You lay still in my arms, unaware, as he jabbered with his momma and played with his hands.  I turned away to hide my face.  But you knew, didn't you, when the tears landed.  From my cheeks to yours.  You squeezed close to my chest and my heart was warmed.  Your smell and touch reached my heart.  You are mine.  Loved beyond imagination.

So if these tears fall for a few more moments, a few more seasons, will you please forgive me?  It won't go on forever this way, it just takes momma more time.  I don't know when they will end, but we should get more breaks between, eh?

-Momma




8 comments:

Christy said...

That was so lovely and painful and makes me long for heaven.

Danielle & Vandenn said...

Thanks for sharing your beautiful love for Calvin. I cannot imagine the heartache.

Kate said...

"Amen" to Christy's comment. My heart as a mom breaks when I read it; and then I'm filled with happiness that Calvin has you and Darryl, Sophie, Noah, Evie...I cannot imagine a better family for a little boy who needs some extra-loving, extra-prayerful parents.

Duane and Mary said...

"Amen" to Kate! Love you guys!!

KKCambLogos said...

Thanks for sharing this with us. Congratulations to Calvin on his 6 month birthday. As I have watched both you and Darryl and Sophie, Noah & Evie with Calvin it gives me so much pleasure to see just how much he is loved. I can't begin to understand what you are going through, but I do know that God knows and will give you the strength you need. It's OK to shed those tears. Love you Kara.

Christiana said...

Kara - I can't begin to fathom the weight and pain of this journey. May the Lord consume you with His love and peace. We love you guys, and you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.

trmills said...

Praying for you as you walk day by day, dear friend. Your heart, the pain and the joy, is so precious to God. Today as it's day where I am and night where you are, I will pray for you. Sending you much love.

Anonymous said...

Each tear is a valuable diamond of love and God is collecting all of them in His magnificent treasure chest...for you and Calvin.

Sheryl R.